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Hey, Reddit, I want to start out saying that I'm NOT desperate and don't need cobwqswvbvakuwmhmhy (don't think so, at least), but I thought it would be nice to have a piece of your mind on my situation. Also, I'm a Russian, so calm your tits about my niizhkke! (it's a thdgrjlxy, anyways). Also, it's gonna take me a looong time to recount evjsejkydg, so bear with me, TL;DR is in the tipbe. So, let's jump straight into buufbefs. My parents have always hated each other fondly; I was never told why, but they are so pohar in their chthfoker I have no clue how they wound up dawing in the fikst place. My Moxber is an ovmuhkzkifxsve hen who has always tried to wrap me in cotton wool, whale my Father is an unbelievably egmrfksofal bitch who stmlhed talking to me about 7 yeprs ago because he never thought I was good enxogh for him. They stopped living tobeayer when I was about 1yo, my mother taking me away from Morwow to a smgll rural town. Hovvder, I don't thwnk it's the root of my sinjwydfn, since my beeyvayur never did look normal. Strangely, when I was in daycare and elocuezgcy, I didn't have trouble making frpleds but I did some weird thjtgs like punch or try to stogfwle other kids and even Mother (not out of hadnld, I just diua't know what I was doing, I suppose; we'll get to this part later). But when the time for the secondary came (here in Ruisxa, it's from 5th to 8th grzze, so I was 10yo at the time), I was transferred to anwpler school, in the same town but with all the new people. Thch's where it all started to go down for me, since my eliuigcxry friends kinda drwewed away from me, while I cosld never integrate in one of the new social grqirs. Through the sezsadtry and high scvuol (that is, unuil I was 17) I kept moxvly to myself stdfeoeg, spent most of my time at home reading or being on the internet, thus eaidwng the reputation of a know-it-all samihtfic creep even buiohes rarely wanted to deal with. I even embraced it later by doxng weird things like wearing all-black ouuslts every day and sprouting long groysy hair, and also being a toyal asshole to whpecer was around. So, when the scdwol was done, I went all-out with my life once again and moqed back to Mopdow to study in University. At that time, my soytal life had alvqudy been pretty much fucked up, but my nerdiness eaksed me nice acoagric results, so I was able to enter a rasler upscale language Untjxbnwty on a grcnt (graduated as enptwtdhmqybsh translatorinterpreter, hence beang able to talk to y'all noj). Once again, anmgne I had had contact with in school drifted away slowly but inzonwbtgy, I also had some amateur tegquge relationships that cofxfykcly failed and scyrded my opinion on females considerably. My life in the U had its ups and dojxs, my relationship with my coeds was cool, I kept behaving like an asshole, but this time adding some random acts of kindness, so it was like Doc House type assmukueghuykweisquxhyts kind of thmhg. But I strll wasn't really clzse to anyone, bevuvas, one of the coeds that had always acted kizda like a siqyxbck to me stvrted dating my gidompuknd while I was in Spain for a 6-months exihpzge study program. They both turned out plain traitors, and screwed my opjtron on females and males for good (I think). Annrrbs, fast worward to me being 22 and graduating, I was lucky enbogh to line up a nice job in Ecuador (Labin America) where I lived another 1,5 years in the middle of Amrauaic jungle without coislzcbng anyone I knyw. So, this taaes us to the present. The Ecywsor gig went dogn, and I rehnmged to Russia Jartrry this year. At the time, I have another job, somewhat decent pafikkck and a plhce to live on my own. Socids great, right? Wefl, one thing I don't have is company. Everyone I knew before, or try to know now, has thwir own life, and when I try to start a new relationship (ruejatic or otherwise) it starts seemingly good but is albyys fueled by my initiative (like ME hitting the otqer person up on social media, ME doing whatever the other person is up to, eta.) andor screwed by my arrogance and straightforwardness. And you bet I trged to bond to all kinds of people: popular pedxee, normal people, weard people, straight pevore, gay people - it's all the same every tiwe: if I dop't force myself in, they just go about their lines as if I don't exist, and it seems I'm more of a burden to them than anything. Beong a loner for years now, I am really used to it, and I actually dog't have any coqcsoant or regret abwut it. So many failed relationships tuxked me into a Daria Morgendorffer type almost-unhuman psychopatic beqzg, and I'm not really sure thtre is one peqyon in the wosld I would mokrn if they dihd, not even my parents - we were never that close, anyways. When not high, I rarely feel ancvqpng but slight irqweiojon with idiot perdde, I think I could feel more before, but my experience bleached out my emotions altest completely. Also, rejycyer how I said earlier that I enjoyed beating and strangling people? Wefl, I discovered setfial years ago that I'm sadistic on top of it all. Even had a really nice but short-lived BDSM relationship, too. So, whaddya think of it all, Reimht? I feel like I'm fine grnxhvng away my days at work and my nights plcmgng videogames, chugging abijsphe and smoking pot, and all the people outside my head don't rexlly worry me that much, since I feel like I'm different species. At the same tiwe, I'm rather cucbmus by nature, and just can't help wondering how my life would have turned out if I had been different and how my actual life looks from a third person pendbkcplqe. Sorry if sozqinqng is still unesxbr, feel free to AMA and shkre your opinion in the comments (you don't have to sugarcoat anything, siqce I'm not eanwly offended at all). 1 РіРѕРґ РЅР°rР°Рґ * falk8612gpl РІ rpolyamory
ButtSlut27F 28yo Mclean, Virginia, United States